We Don't Get Two Lives to Live

So I didn't finish my "book" thought completely yesterday for many various reasons. I was eating a huge bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios and was sprawled slightly uncomfortably on my living/family room floor, typing as quickly as possible as to relieve the pressure from my rib cage. Change position? No way.

And so...

Reading grounds me. The sometimes fictional stories of made up characters in made up places, or the real life tales of people I aspire to be as strong as, calm me and center me. My life can be seeming to spin out of control with different stressors coming from all different directions and all I have to do it pick up a book for a few minutes and suddenly, all the puzzle pieces seem to fall into perfectly planned places I never knew existed. It is not the escape though. A road trip to Califoria? A well timed escape-but reading, no. I read and everything else becomes clear.

Music has a similar affect/effect ( I still haven't learned the difference...) on me. Rachael Yamagata's newer album, along with Missy Higgins', have been my listening material of choice lately. I stumbled upon a quote from Rachael Yamagata (that I believe is in regards to her first album) that I fell in love with:

"I try my best to write of love and pain and explore how we humans treat each other, and what our souls are trying to get out at the same time. Performing is my meditation; writing my traveling companion. These songs are as truthful and in the moment as I could be at this point i my life. They are observational, touching, but with a sense of hopefulness that ever piece, and each bit of pain, has a reason. So that nothing is wasted. The never can be happenstance."

Thank you, RY. Thank you.

Ear/Soul Candy...

Rachael Yamagata
-The Only Fault (Hidden Track)
-Over and Over
-What If I Leave

Missy Higgins
-Where I Stood
-Sugarcane
-Steer
-Going North

The Format
-Time Bomb
-She Doesn't Get It
-Dog Problems
-Oceans

A Fine Frenzy
-Hope for the Hopeless
-Rangers
-The Minnow and The Trout
-Almost Lover (One of the most genuinely depressing songs I have ever heard).

Imogen Heap
-Hike and Seek

...to name a few...

Big bowls of Cereal and "A Fine Frenzy"

I loved reading before I loved any boy. Or thought I loved any boy. I don't know if it was our basement full of books or if it was watching the Beast give Belle a sparkling library but I always find something magical in between the pages. There is this thrill I get when I walk into a library or a bookstore. It feels like possibility.

The taste of Crystal Light is the taste of jumping on a trampoline. But not just any trampoline. A trampoline with the sprinkler beneath it causing shrieks of joy to burst from two young girls who reflected in each rainbowed drop of refreshing water, The maple trees over head throwing down dappled shadows.

New contact day is a good day. As is new razor day. Combine the two, which I did today, and it becomes a day of hygienic epic proportions.

I love that I open my freezer and staring back at me are multiple things of ice cream of differing sizes, brands, and flavors. Almost as much as the fact that I love that about 2 weeks ago I decided that I deserved Breyer's Rocky Road. So I bought a gallon and threw it in the freezer for a time when I really craved it-because any food, and especially Breyer's Rocky Road tastes the best when you really want it and not when you are just eating it to eat it. The next day Mindy came back to the apartment after being at a family camp out. As she walks in the door, and after our excited greeting, she says "So I bought this to show you how much I love you..." and pulls a gallon of heaven out of a bag. I just started laughing and dragged her to the freezer where I showed her the matching gallon I had purchased the day before. Roommate connection? I vote yes.

Sporadic? Random? I know.

Spanglish Is My Life

In a Station of the Metro

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;
Petals on a wet, black bough.
--Ezra Pound




Fresh berries. Delicious and the lip stain of Summer. Pair it with a sun kissed face, a lil Burt's Bees, and air dried hair. Happy. Easy. Simple. Summer.


I love the Reader's Digest. Always have. Always will. I remember being a little girl, sprawled on my parents bed (the best place in the world to take a nap) reading issue after issue from cover-to-cover. We always had millions of them scattered around from various years. 3 on Mom's bed side table, 2 on Dad's. 4 in their bathroom. 2 in the back entry way one. 3 in the basket by the speakers and probably up to 5 scattered around the aquarium. Except we didn't have an aquarium. Well, we did. But we got rid of it when I was 3 or 4. And yes, I still have a vague memory of burying Flounder in the back yard. But we still call that area "the aquarium", even 18-19 years later.

Anyway-they had this article titled something like "50 Things Your Dentist Wants You To Know". Fascinating. I have always brushed, I can't function without it, but now...I got out of bed last night to REbrush after my mind wandered back to the article. (You should spend at least 10 minutes daily taking care of your dazzling smile). And I added "mouthwash with floride" to my shopping list. Dr. Workman would be proud...

Sporadic

The other day I was thinking about balance. Mostly because I have none (I tip over at random and classic roller skating is a near death experience...) but I have some (Working out, work, church, school, social life-). And it is the most satisfying feeling in the world-climbing into bed at night, relatively early so I have energy for the nonstoppingness of the following day, without the feeling of "Dang it...". Everything is better with a lil balance, or so the roller skaters tell me.

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. none of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

--Elizabeth Bishop

Mmm I love my poetry class. I wish everyone could just observe it. It is hysterical (I laugh for 2.5 hours straight) and it is absolutely beautiful. Hearing my professor read Elizabeth Bishop's poem was chillingly moving. He is brilliant. Brilliant.

Perfect Day Description
-Work (Responsibility...)
-Epic Kickball Game
-Homemade Smoothies
-Going to the pool
-The feeling of the sun/getting a soft burn
-Eating pizza, watermelon, and chips
-Being with amazing people
-A quality 1 hour nap
-Chilling with friends
-Cafe Rio
-A Frosty and a lil "House"
-4-Square in the street
-Sand Volleyball

And that was my Saturday...

My dreams lately have been eerily realistic. Searching for missing children, getting rejected, comforting a friend, being worried about work and school, turning off lights to conserve energy, planning an 'escape' trip to France. And none of it was done with flying Care Bears or changing faces or even weird time lapses. It was just life. But life in blue. (Picasso reference).

I have three bandaids on my body right now. Three. And they all happen to be on the right side of my body...so much for being balanced, right?

I know, right?

Voices are everything to me. If I like the way someone talks I'm drawn to them. If I don't...well, it works in the opposite direction as well. And while the voice is vital (pretty much 80-90% of the equation) it's also the way they word things, their sentence construction. The words they choose, the questions they ask, the way they answer. And it doesn't have to be eloquent. It just has to feel right as it collides with my ear. And I love those moments. It's just a small lil joy, kinda like No Bake Cookies and Capri Sun's during a kickball game.

I miss Midwestern storms. Real bad. A teaser of a storm slipped on through Utah Valley last night and it's gentle breeze mocked me. Remember when the sky would turn from clear blue to black in 3 minutes? Or when the rain came down so hard that I couldn't even see the end of my driveway? Or when all the creeks would flood and driving involved dodging fallen branches? Or when the thunder would cause the house to tremble, books to tip over, and you could feel it reverberating in your sternum? Yeah...Some find storms scary, I find them brilliant.

So I'm definitely on a Kick Ball Intramural team with the most amazing people in the world. Our first game was last week and while we lost 6-18 (actually I have no idea if that was the final score, those are just the last numbers I heard...), it was absolutely, hysterically fun! I led the warm up jog and we all circled around Elyse for team stretches. On our sideline we had the team, an additional 15 people from our ward who came to support, Mindy's brother with speakers pumping incredible music, cookies, and Capri Sun's (mentioned above), and we were all talking, dancing, and joking around. The other team? Stood with their arm's crossed. So yeah, they beat us but I don't think any of us even cared. Our team rules? I'll tell you...

1. Have fun! (We would yell "Remember Rule 1" whenever the boys/men (right?) would get frustrated.)
2. Keep the ball on the ground.
3. When you screw up Rule 2, go back to Rule 1.


Team picture of love and joy and awkwardness...I love my Mizzou shirts...and Randy's shorts...

Team con sus amigos! We may or may not have dog piled on them...Thanks to Sarah Beth for always being ready with camera-


We had a ward activity this past Saturday-awesome. We had tinfoil dinners (my hands smelled like onions for a solid 24 hours after helping build 80 of them...) which were, oh you know, pretty much life changing! Plus a wiffle ball game to rival all wiffle ball games. McMindilicious is a baller (balla' ?...I'm from suburbia...) and I'm real good at hitting foul balls and standing in the outfield with my arms crossed.

P.S. 4-Square for life.

Welp, that's a lot of sports chatter but hey, it's summer in Provo...

Trenches in Sand Boxes

"Turn to Stone"-Ingrid Michaelson.

...will change your life.

Welcome to summer. It's full of BBQ's, outdoor movies, and 4-square games that are life changing! Last night I was sprawled on my quilt, staring up at the sky while the people surrounding me all stared at the screen in front of us. The silhouette of the tree branches interrupted my view, a weaving of dark shapes, and it was absolutely lovely. I just sort of breathed. In. Out. In. Out. Welcome to summer.

You know how in movies they show people talking to themselves in the mirror? Yeah. I don't do that. But I do think to myself in the mirror. And every morning I slip out from under my red covers, put in my contacts, splash some water on my face and then look up and think "It's all a process". Breathe. And then pull up my hair and run out the door to the gym. But really. Everything is a process. Life is a process. Making friends, getting in shape, learning a topic, reading a book, healing (yes, I'm the most clumsy person in the world-see bruised hip, scarred up legs, and tiny cuts that seem to appear out of no where...), understanding, growing, everything. It's a process. So that's my summer theme. Maybe my life theme.

Favorite teacher moment from the week:

Poetry teacher. Fountain pen. Stroking and calling it his "precious". I. Love. My. Major. But really-I sit in class and just laugh while my fellow students and I all exchange amused looks. This man is brilliant.

Other brilliantness in my life: Vanilla Frosty and blackberries. Yummed.

Relocation is kinda fun...

I knew I liked reading and so, I knew I liked books. What I didn't know was that I own a million.

So I moved today. Clothes, put away. Toiletries, put away. Kitchen stuff, mostly put away. Books, not so much. And yet I still have to keep telling myself not to go to DI and browse, looking for my next love affair...

Owning a book is so much better than-well-not. I can write in the margins, underline brilliant passages, and throw in a few Post-it notes if the desire arises.

List of observations from the day/week:
-Familial loyalty is ummm...awesome.
-Flip flips can cause blood shed.
-So can closet doors...my ear is still recovering.
-Fire places should be in every apartment. Every one. Ever.
-I smell like lavender...Mmm body wash.
-I should be a freaking detective. It appears to be a talent of mine...
-There are different ways of being happy.
-My fingers are raw from playing the guitar but its the best pain I have ever experienced. Yup.
-I'm a Knock Out/Lightning champion. Not really. But sorta.
-I have a line from Mean Girls stuck in my head...Oh Gretchen Wieners..."You can't sit with us!"

Foil dinner time...fire places...awesome...