Sneakers and Sidewalks (Hey, alliteration. You're nerdy.)

This is friend Brooke.  Together-we are epic.

Ok, but really. 

We do lots of things together. We road trip. We go to Diego's and eat tacos while watching soccer on one of the 4 tvs, all of which play different channels.  We play in crashing waves. Brooke gets sunburned, I don't. We play kickball. We play Rummikub, Mancala, Scrabble and any other game we can find. We eat s'mores. We talk. We laugh. We buy pet fish. We bake. Etc.

But mostly.

Mostly. We run. And so...here are my ramblings on the torture I love to put my body through.

A few weeks ago we went on the best run of my life. My legs were fresh and my whole body was in sync (Shout out to Justin and my middle school years...). Around mile 5 I looked over at Brooke and laughed, "I feel so alive! I feel like I could do anything. And I don't mean just run forever or hike anything. I mean I can do anything! I can go to grad school. I can work a real job. I can be the woman I want to be. I can tackle any problem that comes my way. I can move to Seattle or New York or where ever I want. I can live! I can do anything!" And it was empowering and healing and one of those perfect moments.

Running calms the mind. It is like the process of having your feet fall on the concrete over and over again files things away. Each stride opening a mental filing cabinet and placing the post-it notes and scraps of paper with scribbles on them into their proper place.  And I don't mean the running where you go hard and fast because you don't want to be able to think about anything else.  You want the silence that a screaming body brings-in a sense, literally running away from everything that is going on.  But the steady, rythmic, comfortable run. It is like your breaths slowly cleanse your entire being while you roam the streets of where ever you may be.

Also, I just like to feel my body work. Especially when I fall into my rhythm and everything becomes a little more smooth.  Even when my legs burn going up a hill, or a cramp strikes my side, or my right knee begins to ache (as it always does, silly lil guy-he needs to stop doing that pronto).  I think it ties back into that whole feeling alive thing.  

I mean, we were meant to live. Hence why we are alive. Der. But I mean really live and not just survive.  Not just go through the motions of day to day life until you pass away. Eating, sleeping, breathing. But living.

So why I love running?

-Because when after a long day when I get a "You wanna go running?" text any tiredness leaves my body and I get incredibly excited as I pull my hair back and bolt out the door. 

-Because it is better than spending the night on a couch.

-Because I get to be outside.

-Because being outside at night is soothing.

-Because it makes me happy. Endorphins and a sense of accomplishment.

-Because I get to talk my day through with a good friend and hear about hers in return.

-Because it gives me energy, I sleep better, and I feel healthier.

-And mostly, because I feel alive.

So now I sit in sweaty clothing typing, waiting for my body to calm down with an ice pack on my knee before I drag myself off to bed. And I love it. 

Thank you.

The Jobs

For Jessica and anyone else who cares:

Job One: 

I work on Tim Bridgewater's campaign.  He is a candidate for U.S. Senate running against Senator Bob Bennett as well as the other candidates (der).  The office is in a beautiful old farmhouse in South Jordan and I actually don't mind the drive.  After I memorized every song on the radio I started getting books on CD from the library and there are days when I get excited to hit rush-hour traffic so I can just sit and listen.  Nerd? I know.  What I do? Everything and anything. Run errands to get stamps/tape/food , schedule events, call delegates/county chair people/chambers/etc., proof read, help set up events/attend events, answer the phone, gather volunteers, gather information, etc. Campaigns are great. Events are intense and a lot of fun.  I get to meet all these random, great, brilliant people. I make friends with the other candidates campaign workers and we chat while I wear my red Bridgewater t-shirt and they sport their "I like Mike" pins or hand out "Bennett Mints".  I'm not really politically inclined but I like my job and am learning more and more everyday.  Coworker Randy (affectionately called Randers-we ninja fight), also known as 'Randy the Republican', is wonderful to me and explains anything I want to know.  I can ask him any 'dumb question' about politics and he kindly explains it simply but without insulting my intelligence.  I love sitting around and hearing everyone discuss political issues and politicians that I know very little about-it's entertaining and educational though I may leave with a "Politics according to Greg-Adam-Randy" view of everything.  

Job Two:

I am on call as a mentor at a treatment center down in Mapleton called Discovery Ranch. I love love love this job and Political Job has been nice enough to let me work at DR occasionally.  I mostly just hang out with the kids, keep them in line, talk to them, and take head count.  The kids are seriously so incredible and I adore them.  It is definitely hard and disappointing whenever they try and pull anything stupid such as running away or stealing cough syrup and its heartbreaking to hear their stories but that just comes with the job and I wouldn't trade it for anything (though I have to for Bridgewaterness-the curse of having to have a reliable job). 

Anyway.  That is how I spend my life now and do I love it? Yes.  Am I doing what I love? Different question...Work wise? Sometimes. In life? Yes.  I fill my little free time with the things and people I love and really, I'm incredibly happy.  

Hello-I'm in love...

Mmm...

Beauty.

There go my paychecks...including future ones...

I'll eat Ramen for a couple months and be thrilled with it.

Nothing Substantial

I have been wanting to post something lately for a few reasons. Uno-Just to post. Dos-Because I wanted to write and write and write and feel like writing again.  Tres-Thoughts all jumbly and random=must spew. Cuatro-Writing makes me happy and gives me hope-it is like the process itself bolsters me up to wage war on scary decisions, large laundry piles, and rush-hour traffic (No, I do not have every word to 'Tick Tock' memorized due to the companionship of my radio en route to jobs 1 and 2).

But I have nothing to write on. Except for the fact that I have more quarter/half written entries than entries 'finished' and posted for whoever to read whenever.  Finish your thoughts, little girl-seal 'em up with some weak Spanglish and final punctuation.

Speaking of-punctuation is cool. 

Me gusta.

(...and final punctuation...)

Period.

Here We Go-

Graduation (Official) came and went with little excitement. Turning in a final-not that climatic. However, standing and taking it against the wall of the crowded testing center was a little different...We'll chalk it up to the Cosmos (BYU pun definitely not intended) wanting to make my final experience as an undergraduate memorable!

So now I'm off...running full speed ahead into "The Great Unknown"...depending on the day there are other adjectives thrown in there such as terrifying, exciting, endless, etc. And as an amateur strolling out on my own I'll tell you this much...so far so good. And it's scary. And it's liberating. And so far so good.

I have been blessed with many incredible people in my life over the past 22 years but specifically over the past year or so. Sometimes I sit back in awe at the greatness I see around me and marvel that these amazing people are, for some crazy reason, willing to spend time with me. One of these lovely people would be friend Rachel (not to be confused with awesome SIL Rachel). During some random day over the past few months we met in a practice room where she serenaded me while I studied, taking breaks to talk in between songs. It was one of those days when the adjectives dark, scary, daunting, grey, torturous, etc were attached to "The Great Unknown". And then, once again, I was blessed to have this amazing friend turn to me and say something like...

"Becca. This is amazing! You are free! You are graduated-you can do whatever you want. So do what you love!"

And maybe that is what all of my supportive friends and family have been telling me for the past...forever...but it hit really hard that day and so...

What do I love to do? What am I going to spend the rest of my life doing, filling the space of being a student (except for the part when I go back to school...but that's another story...). What makes me me? What makes me happy? What do I love?

So I'm developing a list...and "It makes my boots feel lighter". (Read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close).

And part of me feels like maybe stumbling, struggling, and being scared isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's simply a sign of eminent growth. It isn't failure. Failing is falling and not getting back up again. So I'll make my list. And I'll try. And I'm sure I'll trip but hey, battle scars are sexy-right?

Please Don't

So lately I have been a little angry for various reasons-

-a perpetually dirty kitchen.
-a seemingly unsolvable confusion.
-my own procrastination and lack of motivation in regards to writing this paper I'm currently taking a break from.
-and mostly, for my friends and family.

As much as sometimes I wish I could chew people out for mistreating those I love. I don't. And I don't yell or hit or glare (well occasionally) or sit in silence and fume. I smile and laugh and then go off to comfort the one who has been hurt.

Do you know how hard it is to comfort someone sometimes? You say what you believe and think and feel with fervor. You tell them it is going to be okay, that they are amazing, that they deserve better than that. You recite quotes that bolstered you up in times of need and share personal stories. And sometimes it helps. But sometimes...sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes they don't listen because they can't. And it is frustrating not being able to help the ones you want to. You want to say the perfect sentence to make everything alright. But it doesn't exist. In the end, healing is a solitary event. You can help and you can try and help but eventually, it is up to the person who is hurt to decide to believe you or to decide that yes, in fact, it is all going to be okay.

But let me just say-sometimes I wish people would leave my loved ones alone. And it's the hardest when it's two loved ones hurting each other. But really. Please would everyone just leave each other alone. Just think about others first. Really. I know its a balance-you have to stand up for yourself and your wants and needs but just think. Think about how your actions and your words affect those around you. Because they do.

So here is my universal chewing out: Stop it. Grow up. Think. I mean, really? How could you think that was okay? That. Is. Not. Okay. I get that you got selfish-we all do it. But overcome it. And if you couldn't then, do it now. Man up. Apologize. Rectify the situation as best you can. Learn, grow, heal, and foster healing.

Happy Thanksgiving

Cliches exist for a reason. It may be cliche to write about some things I am grateful for on Thanksgiving morning. But. Cliches exist for a reason.

And so, dear world, thank you.

Thank you for:
-Crunchy leaves for me to walk through. Their smell, sound, color-everything.
-Musica.
-My family. We aren't perfect but I like us. Late nights full of games. Dove Bars. Bicycle rides. Ski trips. Yard work. Hysterical laughter. The never ending support and faith.
-The night sky.
-Modern medicine. Really.
-My friends. Not only do I have the most amazing time with them but they have been my strength in times of need. Thank you thank you thank you-
-My job. Enjoyable, flexible, and a family in its own way...
-Forgiveness. Both my ability to forgive and others ability to forgive me.
-Fruit and vegetables. Num num.
-The mountain air. You breathe and it feels like its cleansing you.
-Walks. Like going on them. Calming. Fun. Lovely.
-The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's my foundation.
-Children. The funny things they say/do. Their love. Fun. Their innocence.
-Tacos. Taco Tuesday. Tacos.
-Parks. Swings. Frisbees.
-Farmers Markets and Craft Fairs.
-Creativity.
-The color green.
-The ocean. Lakes. Rivers. Ponds. I love being near bodies of water. They are slightly majestic.
-Transportation of all sorts.
-My health. My health. My health. My health. My health.
-The ability to read and write.
-The education I have been blessed to receive.
-Snow. Christmas lights. Snow and Christmas lights.

And plenty plenty more.

Thank you.