I think I like to think that things are meant to be. And in five years when I am reflecting back on the past 27 years as opposed to the past 22 it may seem that way. Because the paths I will choose and the paths I have chosen will lead me somewhere naturally. Right? Looking forward it's harder to feel that way-but sometimes...
I just want to sit down with Fate or Destiny or both, have a lil fresh fruit and ice water, and have a nice, friendly chat to ask the following questions-
-I'm meant to be this person's friend, aren't I? It just happened too smoothly and is too perfectly for it not to be...
-So I've been given these traits, had 'em since I was pequeña...is this why? Or is it for some other part of my life that I just don't see coming...
-Why is it that every time I go to give up, and when I say 'give up' I mean flat-out-give-up-run-the-other-direction, on Life Path #39 something draws me back to it...
-Why did you let Life Path #39/40/41 happen?
-Was I meant to meet Person A because they would know Person B who knew Person C and D and were they meant to be in my life for a while to teach me something? Or did it just happen to work out that way?
-Did that happen to both of us so we could understand each other?
-Why then and not now?
-Why now and not then?
-Why did her life go that way and my life this way though we seem to be built for it to be the other way around?
-Was I supposed to finish that book at the time I did so that I would learn more than I could have any other way from it?
-Why can't they just find a job now? Why are they going through this time?
-Did that whole thing mean something?
-Why here? Why there?
-Was she meant to come into my life in someway, and that way didn't matter, as long as she was there, as long as our paths crossed?
-Did that whole car accident thing happen for a reason? Cause I don't necessarily feel like I learned anything from that...and it hurt...
-Are you really taking care of me? It really is all going to work out for the best, right?
-Etc.
-Etc.
-Etc.
Either way. So far so good...and I'm looking forward to my 27th birthday...
--why do i still feel this way for him? does that have a deeper meaning?? or am I just weak?
ReplyDelete--i believe in agency, but what about fate? or the great plan of happiness? i chose to be adventurous, but is that stopping me from a greater happiness? did i miss out? am i missing out?
anyways, great post becs. i miss you and your deep thoughts. love you so much.