Frankenstein buckets and toilet paper ghosts a happy girl make...

So I wrote the following on September 2, 2010...

I'm feeling insomniatic-shocker.

Happy 3:12am. It's a good time to be alive. And sitting in the dark listening do your roommate breathe and shift in her bed just a few feet away.

Guess what-I love my life.

Why? Aight aight...I'll tell you...

1. You know that roommate I mentioned? I adore her. We can laugh hysterically all day...and we do...But we can also discuss those more hard things in life and find incredible support from each other.

2. Anyone who ever talks to me could tell you I am obsessed with my job. I love it. I think about it-dream about it-look forward to it-hate leaving it...

3. Abode. The new apartment is cozy and a sanctuary. It feels like home. And my two other roommates are absolutely amazing. Sweet, laid back, and so much fun.

4. Weather weather-

And then I don't know what happened...I finally drifted off? That would have been a miracle. But either way- thankfully today, Halloween 2010, I still love my life and so...I will continue that post (look up) below...

5. I am still thrilled with all of the above mentioned things. Roommate Rachel-so wonderful and such a great example to me. Oh. And a blast to be around. Der. Work is still fantastic. Of course it is hard at times, that is to be expected, but I adore it and think about the kids constantly. The new apartment isn't so new but is still feeling nearly perfect. And we received this amazing Pumpkin Pie candle as a gift which makes home smell like heaven. And the weather, thought I'm sure it was warm back in September, is now cooling off. Leaves have changed and fallen, allowing me to crunch through them and relish in the sound and smell. Even the cold rain feels lovely and festive.

6. The Holidays are here/coming. The build up to Halloween this year was epic with pumpkin carving, The Haunted Forest, the delicious Pillsbury sugar cookies with pumpkins on them, candy corn, scary movies (AMC's Fear Fest is amazazing), reading Halloween stories at the library, Classic Skating in costumes, and finally...Trick or Treating with the nieces and nephews. And boom bam Thanksgiving is going to be here!!! And for the first time in ever (aka 4 years) I'm going home to celebrate it with my parents and most of my siblings! And then Christmas which is the most wonderful time of the year (the song even says so) comes and there are white lights, Christmas cookies, caroling, hot chocolate, family, friends, love, etc.

8. Dating JJCJ. He's great. Obvi. Huge understatement but ya know...

7. Family. Mom and Dad are funnier than ever. I made a habit of calling them more often and I just adore chatting with them. Matt and Keri and the kids are a blast to spend time with and I love that they are so close. Michael and Rachel and Co. are wonderful and I always love catching up with them. And they are meeting up with us in Chicago for Thanksgiving! And Michael is funny. Not the funniest. But funny. Jonathan and Chelsea have this new beautiful baby boy plus James and I love them all. Jonathan is brilliant and fun and sweet and loving and his wonderful wife is exactly the same. Ellie is ridiculously awesome and lately I keep meeting people who know her and all they do is rant about how great she is. I just feel proud and think "She used to copy me all the time...I'm glad she turned out better than I did!"

8. Everything else. I found an adorable and insanely comfortable shirt the other day at Banana Republic. I have the most amazing, understanding, loving, fun friends in the world. I go on lil adventures all the time. I laugh. I work with one of my best friends. I get to wear moccasins now! I have running water. And running WARM water. I have a good life!

Gracias.

Hodge Podge

Hey world/Michael (I'm writing to avoid the angry text messages...)

It's me. It's late. I'm feeling rambley. Doesn't take a mathematician to put this one together, folks...it's time for a list.

-See that picture up there? A little further...yeah...Kettle Corn...it's worthy of some sort of praise. Basically all the good things in the world combined Power Ranger style and fell into a bag more appropriate for bubblegum.

-I snatched my favorite blanket from The Tav over Christmas...it's a patchwork of perfection.

-"1984" is great. And thought provoking. And a million other things...I like to think I wouldn't break. That I would never give up the one I love. That I could endure endless pain to protect those closest to me. But rumor has it that everyone breaks eventually...

-I could wear the same outfit everyday and be happy. My closet should look like those KitKat commercials where the entire vending machine is filled with wafer goodness. White v-neck. Jeans. Toms. Winter modification: Ugg Moccasins and a hoodie.

-Speaking of...I believe that KitKats are the most underrated candy in the world. Also, throw them on ice cream and they reach their full potential.

-I'm bringing 'psych' back. Spread the word. Fan the wild fire.

-My life feels like a completed puzzle with my new job.

Sniff "Smells like space."

"Oh. Well what does space smell like?"

"Gravity."

"And what does gravity smell like?"

"Rocks."

"Well naturally..."

-The Bellagio water show...Mmm...are there words? I submit that there are not.

-We all make choices. We all make mistakes. Shrug. And we forgive and we ask for forgiveness. And that's okay.

-I'm grateful for: Lotion. Music. Stars. Spoons. Hope. Friends. Children. Books. Fruit. Family. Learning. Laughter. Water. Samples.

We have a problem...

Pretzel M&M's...apparently the new rage and I'll admit it-I saw them at Sam's Club and then began a 2 week personal mission to find them not in bulk. I found them. I rejoiced. I tried them. I deliberated. I decided to be slightly disappointed.

But.

The true disappointment comes with Coconut M&M's. Because they are truly amazing. Classy even. And they can only be found in the small bags. No pound bags. No party bags. No Costco bulk of sweet goodness. Just the little check-out line sized bags.

Dear M&M's-I love you but please right this wrong...

Though I'll admit it-I love the Pretzel M&M's commercials. I see them while I watch LOST (Season 1 Episode 19 tonight-) and chuckle-that Orange M&M is goofy/charming.

Heavy

I want to run. And run hard and fast until my body dissolves into dust and disipates up into the night sky and to just float for a while.

Sometimes I find the world to be saddening. The news screams of bodies found, conspiracys discovered, unsolvable wars being fought, and differing tragedies that hold mankind firmly in this state of unrest.

It's all about love.

And I don't mean romantic, 'Lady and the Tramp'-noses-touching, love.

Just love. Just taking care of each other-physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, etc. Just giving up on being selfish, on being spiteful, on being cold...

Why is it that night always brings reflection? To me it is simply that it is night. The darkness makes people feel like they are hidden, they are protected, they are a little less vulnerable and so...in this darkness...people often open up the most. Not to mention the fact that we have been worn down by a day of work/adventure/interactions/learning/thoughts and our mind is scrambling to organize it all-nearly aching for sleep to come and the filing system of dreams to sort the chaos.

And so-it is during the night that I often find myself laying in bed thinking, "What am I doing?" as I review the day behind me and the future before me. And sometimes it feels heavy. It just feels heavy and unrelenting and the map keeps changing and never stays clear. But it is in these moments that I find clarity. I don't know how to answer all of my questions. I don't know when I will know how to answer all of my questions. But I know this...If I love and allow others to love-then nothing can ever be that bad.

Life is love.

And maybe I'm naive...I don't know...and maybe I don't care to know...because I'm going to live like this forever and when I see that future...it's nothing heavy.

Because eating isn't a chore...

So for some reason I have had endless "Food Thoughts" lately...

-Dear blueberry muffin, yes. Yes. I will run away with you to the coast where we will be in love for a very long time.

-Triscuits. They really are the best cracker out there.

-Slipping into a food coma...Mmm Chipotle...

-The thought of waffles with ice cream make me feel like a kid in a candy store...awesome...redundant? Nope. Delicious. Yes.

-Fruit is solid sunshine. Num num.

-Peanut Butter & Jelly, Milk and Oreos, Chocolate and Peanut Butter...all of these famous "couples" bring us joy...7-layer bars take that joy and quadruple it...

-Odwalla. I held a 'Red Rhapsody' like a baby while watching a soccer game Saturday morning. Delicious and healthy.

Favorite 'Food' Moment of the Week:

-Brooke walked up to her soccer game with a cup of Mt. Dew and said, "Let's all just pretend this is Gatorade."

Runner-ups:

-Eating strawberries, pineapple, and cantelope up the canyon.

-Devouring my Chipotle burrito in 7 minutes.

-SIL Keri giving me 6 jars of jam/apple butter. Angel. Domestic, adorable angel.

Running Tour

Nearly every day we take to the street of The Prov and fall in love with the lil gems we find. So one day we just took my crappy camera with us and documented a few. This is really only a glimpse of 1% of the things we see and talk about but hey, 1% of one hundred billion dollars wouldn't suck...

We love blossoms. LOVE. Them.

Pretty trees. Pretty mountains. Pretty 7-Peaks? Sure.

Hi!

This is why I love Utah springs and summers...

So. These are the most beautiful blossoms ever. Magnolias. We saw them and had to stop running to investigate. And by investigate yes, I mean knocking on a random door and asking what kind of tree it was. We talked to the sweetest older man and woman ever for like 15 minutes. Felt like we were all great friends and they even invited us to rest on their bench (see below) because "Sometimes exercise is a waste of human energy," to quote our new best friends.

Dangling blossoms. Oh hey, I'm in a fairy tale.

Brooke hides. 

And eats...?

So every time we run by this-I want to jump and grab it and swing about for a bit. So I did.

She's so strong...

Urban chic. Sweat totally goes with that, right?

 To quote Brooke "Is that NOT the creepiest thing you have ever seen?"

Reminds me of London. And caution tape is always cool. And I'm awkward. Modeling future killed.

Oh McGraw...

This is the thing...I'm not crazy big into country. I don't mind certain songs. And there are a few that sneak their way into my head/heart...and so...

I was enjoying my morning commute today, alternating between listening to my book and the radio, when Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Were Dying" flooded into Coche. And I loved every second of it because A) He has a lovely voice. B) I like the melody. C) And the message (Cheesy? I know-thank you very much).

Get Inspired.

"My line" is...

And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter and I gave forgiveness I had been denying"-

So yeah-live like you are dying. Give your all. Risk. Be happy. Breathe. Jump. Experience. Belt out country songs as you drive to work. Laugh while running. Love. Jump off things. Hike. Move where you feel drawn to. Try new foods. Pull pranks (of the friendly variety). Climb. Make new friends. Grow. Bake. Create. Feed your friend with giant wooden utensils.

Live.

Sneakers and Sidewalks (Hey, alliteration. You're nerdy.)

This is friend Brooke.  Together-we are epic.

Ok, but really. 

We do lots of things together. We road trip. We go to Diego's and eat tacos while watching soccer on one of the 4 tvs, all of which play different channels.  We play in crashing waves. Brooke gets sunburned, I don't. We play kickball. We play Rummikub, Mancala, Scrabble and any other game we can find. We eat s'mores. We talk. We laugh. We buy pet fish. We bake. Etc.

But mostly.

Mostly. We run. And so...here are my ramblings on the torture I love to put my body through.

A few weeks ago we went on the best run of my life. My legs were fresh and my whole body was in sync (Shout out to Justin and my middle school years...). Around mile 5 I looked over at Brooke and laughed, "I feel so alive! I feel like I could do anything. And I don't mean just run forever or hike anything. I mean I can do anything! I can go to grad school. I can work a real job. I can be the woman I want to be. I can tackle any problem that comes my way. I can move to Seattle or New York or where ever I want. I can live! I can do anything!" And it was empowering and healing and one of those perfect moments.

Running calms the mind. It is like the process of having your feet fall on the concrete over and over again files things away. Each stride opening a mental filing cabinet and placing the post-it notes and scraps of paper with scribbles on them into their proper place.  And I don't mean the running where you go hard and fast because you don't want to be able to think about anything else.  You want the silence that a screaming body brings-in a sense, literally running away from everything that is going on.  But the steady, rythmic, comfortable run. It is like your breaths slowly cleanse your entire being while you roam the streets of where ever you may be.

Also, I just like to feel my body work. Especially when I fall into my rhythm and everything becomes a little more smooth.  Even when my legs burn going up a hill, or a cramp strikes my side, or my right knee begins to ache (as it always does, silly lil guy-he needs to stop doing that pronto).  I think it ties back into that whole feeling alive thing.  

I mean, we were meant to live. Hence why we are alive. Der. But I mean really live and not just survive.  Not just go through the motions of day to day life until you pass away. Eating, sleeping, breathing. But living.

So why I love running?

-Because when after a long day when I get a "You wanna go running?" text any tiredness leaves my body and I get incredibly excited as I pull my hair back and bolt out the door. 

-Because it is better than spending the night on a couch.

-Because I get to be outside.

-Because being outside at night is soothing.

-Because it makes me happy. Endorphins and a sense of accomplishment.

-Because I get to talk my day through with a good friend and hear about hers in return.

-Because it gives me energy, I sleep better, and I feel healthier.

-And mostly, because I feel alive.

So now I sit in sweaty clothing typing, waiting for my body to calm down with an ice pack on my knee before I drag myself off to bed. And I love it. 

Thank you.

The Jobs

For Jessica and anyone else who cares:

Job One: 

I work on Tim Bridgewater's campaign.  He is a candidate for U.S. Senate running against Senator Bob Bennett as well as the other candidates (der).  The office is in a beautiful old farmhouse in South Jordan and I actually don't mind the drive.  After I memorized every song on the radio I started getting books on CD from the library and there are days when I get excited to hit rush-hour traffic so I can just sit and listen.  Nerd? I know.  What I do? Everything and anything. Run errands to get stamps/tape/food , schedule events, call delegates/county chair people/chambers/etc., proof read, help set up events/attend events, answer the phone, gather volunteers, gather information, etc. Campaigns are great. Events are intense and a lot of fun.  I get to meet all these random, great, brilliant people. I make friends with the other candidates campaign workers and we chat while I wear my red Bridgewater t-shirt and they sport their "I like Mike" pins or hand out "Bennett Mints".  I'm not really politically inclined but I like my job and am learning more and more everyday.  Coworker Randy (affectionately called Randers-we ninja fight), also known as 'Randy the Republican', is wonderful to me and explains anything I want to know.  I can ask him any 'dumb question' about politics and he kindly explains it simply but without insulting my intelligence.  I love sitting around and hearing everyone discuss political issues and politicians that I know very little about-it's entertaining and educational though I may leave with a "Politics according to Greg-Adam-Randy" view of everything.  

Job Two:

I am on call as a mentor at a treatment center down in Mapleton called Discovery Ranch. I love love love this job and Political Job has been nice enough to let me work at DR occasionally.  I mostly just hang out with the kids, keep them in line, talk to them, and take head count.  The kids are seriously so incredible and I adore them.  It is definitely hard and disappointing whenever they try and pull anything stupid such as running away or stealing cough syrup and its heartbreaking to hear their stories but that just comes with the job and I wouldn't trade it for anything (though I have to for Bridgewaterness-the curse of having to have a reliable job). 

Anyway.  That is how I spend my life now and do I love it? Yes.  Am I doing what I love? Different question...Work wise? Sometimes. In life? Yes.  I fill my little free time with the things and people I love and really, I'm incredibly happy.  

Hello-I'm in love...

Mmm...

Beauty.

There go my paychecks...including future ones...

I'll eat Ramen for a couple months and be thrilled with it.

Nothing Substantial

I have been wanting to post something lately for a few reasons. Uno-Just to post. Dos-Because I wanted to write and write and write and feel like writing again.  Tres-Thoughts all jumbly and random=must spew. Cuatro-Writing makes me happy and gives me hope-it is like the process itself bolsters me up to wage war on scary decisions, large laundry piles, and rush-hour traffic (No, I do not have every word to 'Tick Tock' memorized due to the companionship of my radio en route to jobs 1 and 2).

But I have nothing to write on. Except for the fact that I have more quarter/half written entries than entries 'finished' and posted for whoever to read whenever.  Finish your thoughts, little girl-seal 'em up with some weak Spanglish and final punctuation.

Speaking of-punctuation is cool. 

Me gusta.

(...and final punctuation...)

Period.